Decoding Body Language - How body language influences communication, Conflicting & Repeating

Decoding Body Language - How body language influences communication

by Kevin Hogan
Internationally acclaimed Reading Body Language Expert to the BBC and other international media.

Repeating – Non-verbal behavior often serves to repeat what is being said verbally.

When you ask your spouse to put down the bag of groceries on the table, do you point to the table during or after you speak? If so, that’s repeating.

The act of pointing (non-verbal) repeats the request (verbal) of where to put the groceries.

Conflicting – This is one of the biggest and most varied categories of non-verbal behavior.

Here's the example: When you tell your friend the cake she baked is delicious (verbal) but your eyes dart away (non-verbal), that’s conflicting. Are you gasping in recognition?

Conflicting body language is a bright, flashing indicator when you lie, feel nervous, disagree, or otherwise feel trapped or ambivalent about something. When verbal and non-verbal elements are in conflict, the person receiving the communication will usually give more credibility to the non-verbal behavior.


What is even more fascinating, though, is that we interpret conflicting information based in part on how easy or how hard it is to fake the particular non-verbal behavior.

Example? A child might say she has a stomachache... and is unable to take out the garbage. The parents deception detection kicks in. Is this lying body language? The true body language of a stomachache is hard to “fake” – pale color, clammy skin, and perhaps a fever or general discomfort for an extended period of time. Most parents will be skeptical from the start, only starting to believe her when it becomes clear her non-verbal behaviors are genuine, real symptoms.

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